Can Trobee Help Your TUNA?

        Noodles should never be violated with warm tuna, I've always felt. Some people dig it. Good for them. Really. It's less 'damaging' then, say, piling on the cheese or butter or oil or what-have-you.

         But I gently let Trobee know in advance that I would try her latest pet project of spicing up Tuna Helper, but I wouldn't be having a whole helping, no matter how much the tuna-with-pasta was helped. Would she be willing to bring it home?

           "Hell yeah it's gonna turn out good." She'd been mentally shaping the masala, I could see.

          "Ok then. Go for it." Who knows? It might turn out cool.

          She was already filling a pan with water. As if on cue, one of her favorite hip-hop tunes blared from the radio. "Yessss!"

RECIPE B-R-E-A-K-D-O-W-N

I was kinda' proud to have a can of tuna from a natural food store-- purchased months ago after I had read about how healthy tuna was. Never got around to eating it, though. The holiday season happened. You understand.

Trobee, however, wasn't so impressed with it. "This stuff is harder to break up, but I got it to work. Where the heck did you get this?""

"It's organic," I explained. "Gee, it makes me feel kinda gourmet."

"Tuna makes you feel kinda horny?" a random dude called out.

"Gourmet!" I said.

Said Trobee: "Well, it works okay..."

She herself prefers to use the cheap, common supermarket variety, packed in water. NOT oil. "When it's packed in oil, it doesn't taste bad. Just oilier." And she garnished these sage words with a repulsed expression.

*     *     *

"I gotta say, Court. Black mustard seeds are way better when they're popped in butter instead of oil," Trobee declared from the stove. "I think, anyway," she added. "Yep, that's right little guys. Pop pop away like popcorn."

"What do you mean by 'better?" I wanted to know.

"It's just faster, I think. See? They're done popping already, which is awesome. And the flavor...it's a little different, I don't know how to explain it."

"Or ghee--" I began.

"Orgy?" a random dude called out eagerly.

"No! No. Ghee. Just-- basically butter with the solids skimmed off."

"Huh?"

"Butter with some of the crap removed. It doesn't burn so fast. It's-- never mind."

"Oh."

*     *     *

There's a crapload of butter in this kind, like HALF A STICK -- but I lessened it," Trobee announced.

"Really? No way!"

"I used only two tablespoons."

"Gooood. There's no way a lot of Our People would deal with that much. Good job."

(Note: The missing butter was not missed.)

"This is cooking up real wonderful-like," Tro purred happily as she stirred. Frozen veggies, she commented, can turn out surprisingly terrific if spiced right...

*     *      *

"Oooh. Oooh, Courty this looks beautiful!" She honked down a few bites and nodded her head. "Good stuff, man.!"

"All right, all right, let's see this stuff."

She carried over the steaming pan and presented the spiced-up Tuna Fettuccine Alfredo to me like a kindergartener at show and tell. It looked... pretty, actually."So you want a bite?"

"Umm... sure..." Bite. Bite. Hm. "Oh, Tro. You have made Tuna Helper lovely. I'll be damned."

Brother Chase lumbered into the kitchen, stupid with hangover. Saw it-- "Mmm." Took a bite-- "Mmm!" NOTE: Chase does not like warm tuna. Nor is he very open to Indian-style food. Thus, his reactions always interest me.

"Guess it's a post," said I."We'll try this same masala on a few varieties and see how it plays out."

 

photos by Trina and Trobee

---

Tuna Helper Masala Pasta

Trobee says: "This recipe has two really good things about it. First of all, of course, the spices. Perfect. It flavors it up, but it's not overpowering. Secondly, adding the vegetables. The vegetables make it a full meal. It really boosts it up."

box of Tuna Helper, any variety
1 tsp butter or ghee
¼ cup onion, chopped
1 tsp garlic paste or minced garlic
¾ cup frozen mixed vegetables

Masala 1:

• 1 tsp black mustard seeds
• 3 red dried chilies
• 5 curry leaves

Masala 2:

• 1 ¼ tsp cumin powder
• 2 tsp coriander powder
• ½ tsp paprika

1. In a large skillet, heat the butter or ghee. Add masala 1 and cook until the black mustard seeds have quit popping.
2. Immediately add the onions. When the onions are clear and soft, add the garlic. Cook until golden brown.
3. Add masala 2. Sauté for about 1 minute. According to the box directions, add the tuna, water, milk, and pasta. Bring to a boil.
4. Add the veggies. Simmer and cover for 12-15 minutes. Done.