RICE: Can It Be Hot and Easy AND Dirty?

Dear Naughty Curry,

Help. I just started dating this gorgeous n cool Brazilian girl from work. Everything she eats has to be really hot and spicy. Like at restaurants, she asks for her food as spicy as they make it. Now I'm a McDonalds kind of guy but I want to try to keep up with her. She told me the other day she loves Indian food. I live real close to an Indian grocery store so if you could start me out with a basic spiced dish I'd appreciate it. I'm thinking rice. I have like 20 packets of flavored rice. They're ok. Do you think you can spice those up or is that not allowed?

--Brent (Pittsburgh, PA)

          Do you dare, Brent, go into that place? that spicing Twilight Zone? Is it really your style, Brent? Spices are not for everyone you know. I never said they were. And insincerity is so not attractive, so no shame in turning back now. No shame in keeping with your comfy McDonalds lifestyle-- if that is who you are. No shame in being a bit bland. (A purist, my mother would say.)

         Wait wait wait. Is that what this is about, Brent? Are you afraid that this smokin'-hot chick will find you un-spicy?...Bland?

          Look, Brent. We're going to give you the benefit of the doubt. We're gonna go with the idea that rapture for a woman is spurring you to branch out beyond your comfort zone. Got that?

         Now then. That being straightened out, we're ever so glad you showed up. See, you have unwittingly wandered right into our little web when you said 'hot' and 'spicy' in the same cyber-breath. It gives us an excuse to declare this: What is 'spicy' is not necessarily 'hot'. Just like if a person happens to be 'spicy,' it does not guarantee that he or she is hot. (OK, bad analogy. Moving on.)

          Simply put: If food is fiery-hot, it suggests the presence of cayenne, chilies, chili powder or black pepper -- just a few of many Indian spices. Spices do not guarantee 'hot', ergo Indian food does not guarantee 'hot'. It had to be said. Now it's out there.

          But it sounds like your hot Brazilian babe has a desire for fire. And it sounds like you are eager-to-please (not a bad quality), though not about to overstep your cooking abilities (wise, perhaps, for the time being). So rice it is, my friend.

          And is spicing-up something packaged and commercially-flavored allowed at the NC? Hell yeah. You wouldn't believe what we allow over here (as with our Easy Masala Mac n' Cheese). Just keep the curry powder to yourself.

---

Dirty Masala Rice

Trobee and I were delighted to pull this from the NC files and share it with the world. It's actually one of Tro's favorite ways to make rice, started back in the day when she didn't even really like 'normal' rice(yet).

Trobee: "His Brazilian girlfriend is gonna LOVE this!!!"

She added that it would be awesome in burritos or tacos.*

Warning: It's very very hot! (Even when it's cold.)

• ~
• 3 green onions
• 1 tsp oil
• 1 packet of 'Dirty Rice' (you could also use 'Cajun', 'Mexican' or 'Spanish')
• 1/3 cup frozen corn
• 1 tsp garlic paste or minced garlic
• 5-15 minced jalapeno slices (ours are from a jar)
• 1 tsp coriander powder
• splash of lemon juice

Masala:

• ¼ tsp cumin seeds
• 1 chile pod, busted up
• ¼ tsp black mustard seeds

1. Mince the green onions, setting aside the dark green parts for a garnish.
2. Get out your medium skillet and heat the oil until it is sizzle-hot. Add the masala and cover the pan as soon as the mustard seeds begin popping..
3. As soon as the popping quits, uncover the pan and add the onions and the garlic paste. Simmer for a few minutes.
4. When the paste is light-brown, add the jalapenos, coriander powder, corn and rice and sauté 1-2 minutes.
5. Add the water and cook according to the package directions.
6. When it’s done, stir in the greens and the lemon juice.

Update (three days later): We received an email:

Love your blog and have a really good time visiting.  One little thing I would like to clarify in today's post about the guy trying to please a Brazilian girlfriend, in Brazil, burritos and tacos are unheard of.  Don't even have tortillas.  If he is really trying to please a true Brazilian, he should take her out to a nice restaurant.

~ Another Brazilian Girl

Our response:

You know, I once dated a guy from Sao Paolo, and the way to his heart was Pizza Hut BBQ Chicken Pizza. It's a crazy world.;)

In *no way* were we trying to connect the dots between tacos and Brazilian cuisine. We're just playing around with food, spice and flavor. The rice dish we served up wasn't intended for a candlelight dinner... it was just to get the boy (and certain readers) started with spices.That's all.

Thanks for your two cents. We love it. Stay in touch!

photos by Mo Digital

Other rice posts:

• ARTICHOKE LEMON-LIMBO RICE
• BENGALI PILAU RICE